stay as you were

Often, I think of myself as an overly confident individual and capable of accomplishing everything in life as long as I work hard for it. Just few months of self-discipline, net working, intent studying, and exams, I know I would get my reward one way or another. Life has not been disappointed me in this matter. Then, I would get a higher status or station in society and I would get more offers because of what I made of myself. However, it’s a total opposite from what I’ve learned in Pauline teachings...
I’ve a long desire to know more about music and to play at least one instrument in this lifetime ever since I came to appreciating what music can do for my soul. As far as I remembered one day after mass, when I was wandering in the vestibule, the music director approached me and asked me to join the church choir. I was speechless and I told her that I don’t know anything about music. She smiled and said, “Just say yes and the rest God will take care.” Being a member of the church choir, my desire to learn music was getting stronger and I also wanted to improve my status in the group. Therefore, I got myself Russia teacher for private guitar and music lessons too long ago. I was faithfully coming to him two days a week and I was practicing at least an hour every day. Everything went good for a few weeks. Then, my fingers got hurt. My head couldn’t remember music notes. I couldn’t count the beats. I felt embarrassed. I got impatient with myself and I quitted. However, I still raise my voice singing his praises every week in the choral loft among the best singers. I don’t have angelic voice or know how to read music but I certain God want me there for a purpose. A purpose is unknown to me but I love every minute of being myself there and be content.
Even though I didn’t succeed in increasing my status in the choir, God in his mysterious way called me there anyway. So, I’ve learned that my status or station doesn’t matter but it is how I open up to God’s call where it finds me. I then will be at peace of being there. As St Paul said, “Stay as you were when God called you.” (1 Cor. 7:20) Don’t you try to move elsewhere?

Take care and until next time...

A 30 day Walk With St Paul

Here is another idea to go deep with St Paul.

http://torbertmedia.com/psucatholic/?p=127http://torbertmedia.com/psucatholic/?p=127

Have a blessed week, everyone!

St Paul--A Chapter A Day

I passed on the idea--St Paul A Chapter A Day.

Here are the chapters for the next two weeks:
13-Jul Romans 15
14-Jul Romans 16
15-Jul 1 Corinthians 1
16-Jul 1 Corinthians 2
17-Jul 1 Corinthians 3
18-Jul 1 Corinthians 4
19-Jul 1 Corinthians 5
20-Jul 1 Corinthians 6
21-Jul 1 Corinthians 7
22-Jul 1 Corinthians 8
23-Jul 1 Corinthians 9
24-Jul 1 Corinthians 10
25-Jul 1 Corinthians 11
26-Jul 1 Corinthians 12

Introduction to St Paul

A brief introduction to the life of St. Paul the Apostle by Fr Jeffrey, Society of St Paul.

Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul

The beginning of the Pauline Year

Blessed the Year of Saint Paul!

St Paul-A Chapter A Day

The Year of St. Paul officially opens this Saturday, June 28th! I'm very excited. I was invited by a Pauline Sister to read St Paul--A Chapter A day. I thought it's a great idea to go deep with St Paul during his year. So, I passed on the idea...
Here are the chapters for the next two weeks:
29-Jun Romans 1
30-Jun Romans 2
1-Jul Romans 3
2-Jul Romans 4
3-Jul Romans 5
4-Jul Romans 6
5-Jul Romans 7
6-Jul Romans 8
7-Jul Romans 9
8-Jul Romans 10
9-Jul Romans 11
10-Jul Romans 12
11-Jul Romans 13
12-Jul Romans 14

Would love to hear your thoughts on St Paul's letters. Please share your insight.
Take care and until next time...

Grace

May His grace be with you!

“Oh Father,” I groaned, “After what happened years ago, I’ve to see sister next week at the perpetual profession celebration. What am I going to do? How will I react?”
“Ask for God’s grace,” Father advised. “You'll know what to do.” Perplexed, I frowned, wondering…
On the day of my arrival, she greeted me with a joyful ‘hello’ and a big hug. We both didn’t say it but we got our tongue-tied. Painful experiences rushed back to my mind. When I was discerning my Pauline vocation with the community, sister was in charge of me. I thought we had a good rapport and an open communication. What happened I blamed her for everything, especially my broken heart. Thanks to God. We were busy décor for the celebration of next day. We didn’t have time to be in awkward position for long. I lost my peace. At night, I prayed so hard for the Holy Spirit descent upon me. I asked the Holy Spirit to act and to love in me because I knew I couldn’t do it by myself. Next day, I tried to avoid her as much as possible before mass. The perpetual celebration mass was beautiful and moved. It reminded me so much of my past. In the first reading, I heard Jesus’ voice, “Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come.” Then the responsorial psalm, my soul cried out loud, “My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord, thirsting for you, my God.” Alas, I knew that I’m “forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus.” Closed my eyes I gave thank to my beloved, Jesus. I knew I was truly at peace, heavenly peace. After mass, I had the courage to greet everyone including sister and all those who contributed to wound my heart. I went up to sister and asked if I could have sometimes with her while I was there. We reconciled with each other during our walk in the garden. Those were healing moments for me. I was grateful to God for having sister back to my life. We both didn’t know the purpose of what happened years ago but we knew our sisterly and friendship in Jesus worth more than anything. For me, I knew I wouldn’t be more given and loving person as I’m now if it didn’t happen. For that, I’m most grateful.
“Where the offense has abounded, grace has abounded yet more; so that as sin has reigned unto death, so also grace may reign by justice unto life everlasting through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Rom 5:20-21). It’s not me—it’s only through His grace I had the courage to face those who caused such pain for me. Bl. Alberione’s expert, “A man without a soul is dead; a soul without grace is dead.” Yes, my soul was dead for years because I didn’t let His grace flood in me. Nevertheless, God works with me and heals all things in his time. And you, will you let his grace flood in you, today?

Take care and until next time…

Novena to St Paul

Today is the first day of the novena to St Paul

in preparation for the opening of the Year of St. Paul (June 29!).

Please join me and tell others.

Paul the Apostle of love

Blessed Month of St Paul!

Just in time for the Pauline Year...here comes the St Pauls Tube www.stpaulstube.com! Upload your videos, build your own blog, start your own audio site, share the faith! It is a place that will reach the world with the Gospel of God. It is also an ideal place for Pauline spirits everywhere to help build tube by tube, video by video, audio by audio into a virtual Pauline place one website. Check it out, tell your friends, and show your Pauline spirit.

Take care and until next time...

butterfly

What does this glass wing butterfly remind you of?

Falling in love

May Jesus ‘love be always with you!

Yesterday late afternoon, I went to my best friend’s house for dinner with her family and her boyfriend. My girlfriend and her boyfriend were so loving and caring for each other as if they were in their own world. As I sat down in the sofa and stretched my arms way out, I felt so good to sit there and watched them. My friend is definitely in love because I saw her eyes sparkling and his eyes saw nothing but her presence. When was the last time you fell in love? I thought of Father Arrupe’s writings where he speaks about “Falling in Love with God”. My friends don’t fall in love with God but I think they recognize God’s presence in each other. I certain that these powerful words describe their relationship…
"Nothing is more practical than finding God,That is, than falling in lovein a quite absolute, final way.What you are in love with,what seizes your imagination,will affect everything.It will decide what will get youout of bed in the morning,what you will do with your evenings,how you will spend your weekendswhat you read, who you know,what breaks your heart,and what amazes youwith joy and gratitude.Fall in love, stay in love,And it will decide everything."
My friends, two lovebirds, they really are in love, stay in love, and it decides everything. I thought about my love, Jesus...

In my silent heart

I still hear your song

singing in my soul

Keep my eyes shut

I long for your lead and wait on you

for our next dance

’Cause only with you, I’m whole again.

How sweet Jesus is and how thankful I am for Him. He listens, He heals, and He shows me the way. I must fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. As a Pauline in spirit, I also pray that St Paul will teach me how to love like he did to the Corinthians. Beautiful and I want more, don't you?

Take care and until next time…

God healed his people in Florida

May GOD receive all glory and honor and praise!

Chinese earthquake

"O God, you rejected us, broke our defense;

you were angry but now revive us.

You rocked the earth, split it open;

repair the cracks for it totters.

You made your people go through hardship,

made us stagger from the wine you gave us.

Raise up a flag for those who revere you,

a refuge for them out of bowshot." (Palms 60: 1-6)

God does suffer as we suffer and weeps when we weep. We, as his followers, are called to prayer and action. If we are not able to give to those in dire need in China, perhaps we can give to those in most need near us.

Take care and until next time...

His strength

May you always feel His strength within you!

I have a longing desire to work in the UC/ER department ever since I was in my nursing school. Most of friends would think I’m crazy but I just love the excitements and challenges that will bring me. So, when my boss came to ask if I would want to be consider for a candidate there. I quickly said ‘yes’ and didn’t have to think twice. In other to be considering, I must attend intensive training sections and pass the final with good grade. Here comes my biggest fear…

Even though I have lived in American soil and have breath American air for more than half of my life, I still have fear to speak, to write, and to listen to English language. I have tried so hard to conquer my fear but the more I tried the worst I have become. I came to think that God forgot to give me it. To my own race, I’m genuine English as Second Language person and I communicate well in English. No one knows that I’m a big ‘chicken’ when it comes to English language. Anyway, my boss selected fifteen nurses and sent us out for two month of intensive training. We worked very hard in class and to learn all that we need to know for the tasks in UC/ER Department later. Two days before the final, our trainer told us, “I know how hard you have worked to prepare for the final. I know few of you are off to a better position with higher salary. I am well aware of how much pressure you are under to pass my final for a possibility of a better future. Because of the challenge and intensity in the department, I’m prepared the last challenge to offer anyone who wants to take an oral final exam instead of the written one. Whoever is interested, please see me after class. ” There were a few of us staying after class for more information on the oral exam. When I was still hesitated because of the language barrier, my co-worker pressured me and I signed up for an oral exam. Then, I went home and felt sick to my stomach. I studied and practiced speaking in front of the mirror whenever I had free time. On the day of the exam, I still had butterfly but I came to my trainer office and got ready for my oral exam. Must to my surprise, he greeted me and gave me a paper with a message: ‘Congrats, you have just been accepting as a nursing staff for UC/ER Department.” I guess it was a great reward for us who had worked hard and believed in ourselves.
Reflecting on this experience, I remember St Paul the Apostle who experienced more hardships in his lifetime than anyone of us will in ours. Yet, he still declared, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13). So, I start truly believing in myself, in the Christ who lives within me, in the gifts God’s placed in me, and the destiny to which He’s called me. I’ll always choose challenging myself to be the BEST because God has promised and called me to an A not a B. How about you???

Take care and until next time…

Come Holy Spirit!

Blessed Pentecost!

"The love of God has been poured into our hearts through
the Holy Spirit that has been given to us" (Rom 5:5)

May Month

Blessed May Month!

May is the month when the Church honors the blessed Virgin Mary, my mother with love and devotion. I too want to offer myself again to you, my dear mother. I also want to invite you who read this post to renew your Marian devotion by reciting the Act of Consecration to the Virgin Mary:

"I am all yours and all that I possess I offer to you, my loving Jesus, through Mary your most holy mother."

Pray the Rosary and stay close to Mother; she'll lead you to Jesus, her son.

Happy Mothers' Day to you all!

Thread--Holy Spirit

May His grace be with you!
This past weekend, I went on to “Choices of the Heart” Retreat at Seton Provincialate in Los Altos Hills. I hadn’t seen such a beautiful place in a long time. It reminded me of Serra Retreat House in Malibu but there were much more wild lives and flowers. I was blessed with new friends and old ones. The hospitality was an exceptional one and “The Thread” written by Denise Levertov reciting by Josephine Burns D.C. touched me during reflection time:

“Something is very gently, invisible, silently, pulling at me-

a thread or net of threads finer and cobweb and as elastic

I haven’t tired the strength of it.

No barbed hook pierced and tore me.

Was it not long ago this thread began to draw me? Or way back?

Was I born with its knot about my neck, a bridle?

Not fear but a stirring of wonder makes me catch my breath

when I feel the tug of it when I thought it had loosened itself and gone.”

Reflecting on my life’s events, I imaged God’s spirit is like an invisible, fine, and elastic thread. He is calling and calling and calling me into the deep. I don’t exactly remember when He first did but one day I realized it was there. I responded, I freely gave myself, and I was drowning in the ocean of human faults including mine. When I was near death, His hands reached out and saved me. I asked God not letting me be a victim again and God kindly smiled. I moved on in life. Since then, life has given me many possibilities to do well in the world. However, His spirit keeps dragging and dragging and dragging me. So, I keeps running and running and running away. It doesn’t matter how far I can run. I just can’t seem to hide from His spirit. No matter what I have done wrong or others have harmed me, nothing can stop the strength of it raising me up again. Because I’m wonderfully made in his image, His spirit is forever calling me to be the best for the world. If I forget, His spirit will stir up and I give the better good of myself for the world.
To certain people I’m just a problematic person and can’t be anything else. As St Paul said, “If the spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will give life to you.” (Rm 8:11) So, I rest my case in the past and rejoice in what God has given me now.

Take care and until next time...

Pauline Year website

Yeah, an official "Pauline Year" website is now available in English. Check it out by clicking the title of this post!

Alberione's Pauline spirituality

May Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life be yours!

The Holy Father’s homily opening remark ‘Christ is the way that leads to the Father, the truth which gives meaning to human existence, and the source of that life which is eternal joy with all the saints in his heavenly Kingdom’ at the Yankee’s Stadium touched me in a very personal and familiar way. It reminds me of Blessed James Alberione’s Pauline spirituality which he left behind for his spiritual daughters and sons in the Pauline Family and those whose hearts are filled with the Pauline charism. I didn’t know him in person but I’ve known and have felt in love with Alberione’s Pauline spirituality which is not over-elaborated but very original one. It can be summed up in one little profound phrase--Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life.
In this fast moving society, the need to integrate all the aspects of my life is truly a must. I have experienced many times that my intellects can lead me in one direction, while my feelings pull me to another. By nature, I’m an extra heart person. I tend to act on feelings instead of letting my actions take into relation on both what I feel and what I think. By profession, I’m a healthcare giver. I’ve get to know people more on an individual basis. By community, I’m a proud volunteer of the American Red Cross and Emergency Responses. I’ve done outreach to community on disaster preparedness and health classes. Depending on where and with whom I find myself, I often don’t show my true feelings or don’t play my real self. I hide certain aspects of myself that I think to be embarrassed or ashamed. I image it’s like going to have meal at the cafeteria. I pick what’s please and leave what’s not. It’s broken pieces here and there but it’s my life. In the fragmentation of my life, Alberione’s Pauline spirituality invites me to the wholeness of self. The various aspects of me can be integrated in a holy balanced way through Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life. According to his intuition, Jesus Master makes our intellects (mind) holy by revealing the Truth about God and ourselves. He frees us from sin (will) by being the Way to happiness. He blesses our hearts (heart) by offering the eternal Life which we all yearn for. In Jesus Truth, I have learned that God loves me unconditionally and wants a personally relationship with me. This Truth is too radical to comprehend just by meditating on Word of God. I must experience like Jesus did in flesh and through the Paschal Mystery. In Jesus Way, I have learned that my call to imitate Jesus is not involved losing my individual. It’s to be true to myself, to respect the image of God in me and in others, to wisely use my freedom. Above all, I must always seek to have a deeper relationship with God in the Eucharist celebration and Eucharist adoration. In Jesus Life, I have learned to love others as Jesus did in selfless way. It often requires a painful purification of my heart so it can be more like his. I don’t know how it happens but by sharing his life I slowly am more aware of his invitation to become his hands, feet, voice, and love for everyone whom I meet on my journey of faith/life. Because of Alberione’s Pauline spirituality, I had come to realize that the fragments of my life are priceless if I put it in the hand of Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life. My life is a whole beautiful tapestry of life for others to give praise to God.
By grace I’ve inherited Bl. Alberione’s Pauline spirituality during the years of my Pauline formation. I’m grateful for the opportunity to live closely and practice among the members of his Pauline Family in those years. I don’t remember lots of stuff; so, if you’re expert on this, please pardon me. However, my hope for sharing these thoughts is to spread Alberione’s Pauline spirituality far and wide, especially in the coming Pauline Year. If you’re interested in Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life in Bl. Aberione’s footsteps, please check out Bl. Alberione’s link on the left side of this blog page.

Blessed Alberione, pray for me, your hidden spiritual daughter, and all Pauline spirits around the world!
Take care and until next time...

One Month Anniversary of Death

How time flies. It seems like yesterday when you were teaching me how to say the Angelus Prayer. I am not a writer or a native born so words are hard to find. I’m still in hope it was not you. However, at the same time no matter how sorrows I have felt the past month, it always comes back to smiles. Knowing you for the time I had I cannot help but smile whenever I thought of you. I smile and then laugh remembering your funny joke of the day. I have to admit now that I did not get it most of the time but seeing you enthusiasm and other sisters enjoyment it was enough for me to make believe. Being around you always meant that I would be in that state and nothing but smiles would follow and peace would come upon me. You were a great friend, an amazing sister, and an awesome human being. I am just so grateful that I was able to be part of your life. I have written a tribute to you hoping to share with others my treasure of knowing you but I couldn't finish in time. Perhaps, this would be a good start and I’ll try to finish it later. I promise. I’ll miss you always, but your energy and life is so strong that you are not but a smile away. Love you a lot.

Sr. Mary Caroline, pray for my vocation and intentions please!

It's Papa's birthday!

Happy 81th Birthday to you, Holy Father!

May the Holy Spirit always be with you.

Pope's arrival

Yeah, our Pope is here!

Pope's message...

Pope Benedict XVI's Apostolic Visit to America

April 15 to April 20, 2008

Rooted in the Church

May our Risen Lord's grace be with you!

It has been one of my mother’s rules that we’ve dinner together three times a week since we all became adults. Dining together is time to enjoy my mother’s cuisines, to share our hardships or joys, to play our games, and to be together as a family. No one can miss it unless it’s a real good excuse. As my youngest sister was walking out the door, my mother said to her, “It doesn’t matter how you get home after the game as long as you’ll be home on time for dinner.” Because I was on a spiritual reflective mood, I took her words and began…
Based on my mother’s words, my youngest sister could take any form of transportation to get home. Whatever she chose, she just had to make sure that she would be on time for dinner to make my mother happy and us too. That was the end of the story. As I was reflecting on my vocation in the Church in view of the Pauline spirituality for the last couple years, I didn’t see any other form of transportation to take me home except through Jesus Christ. I couldn’t go home if I am not living in the Church and in union with Christ in the footsteps of the Apostle Paul and his teachings. Embedding himself with the original Jesus, he is a great ‘model’ for me to follow. Influenced by my big ego, it had been a challenge for me to replicate the whole Christ in me. I had been torn between good and bad. I probably didn’t take enough time to sit or to wait for the Holy Spirit to act. I quickly reacted on everything and anything when it damaged my big ego. I believe I was insecure; therefore, I wanted to control of my own life. As a result, I let God’s precious gift, my vocation, pass by me. In God's mercy, he didn’t give up on me. He gives His Word to believe in, His examples to follow, and His life to live. Christ is the Way to go home. It’s the only and unique Way. Belonging to the Church is also where I let myself be guided because the Church communicates Jesus’ Truth to me. In the Church I’m living Jesus’ Life and allowing 'Christ lives in me'.
As the Apostle said to the Ephesian community (1:7-10), "In him we have redemption...in all wisdom...to sum up all things in Christ,” I’m called to simply live Jesus, to graft onto Jesus like St Paul did, and to give Jesus to the world. So, Jesus: Way, Truth, and Life may be made known to many more people; it’s the core of my calling as someone who desires to possess more of the Pauline spirit. As a Pauline in spirit I don't know where to learn the truth and to be guided by the truth rather than in St Paul's teachings and in the Church. I've come to understand that only in the Church can I receive all the means of sanctification. Yes, I'm confident to say that the Pauline spirit is rooted in the mystery of the Church and no where else. Don't you agree?
Take care and until next time…

It's your birthday!

"Let us make of ourselves the pen and tongue of God,

through Jesus Christ, our Master."

Happy birthday to you, Blessed James Alberione!

Bestow on me your blessings; keep all who visit this blog

under your fatherly care.

Mary's 'fiat'...and mine.

May Mary’s completely obedient “fiat” be yours!

Mary’s complete obedience to the Divine Plan is her ‘Fiat’ leading to the birth of Christianity. As I was reflecting on this encounter between the Mother of God and the archangel, my heart burned within me. I learned earlier in my formation years that God calls each of us personally in responding to his love for us; it’s a personal encounter with the Lord. Looking back to the details of my own 'Annunciation', I have no doubt to confirm that every vocation in life is a personal call from God. But, do we respond likewise in a personal way to God?
Living in the world of high technology and advancing science, I want proof on everything and in anything. I was asked to take care of my youngest sister by my mother while she’s away. Like any other teenager, my youngest sister wouldn’t be a ‘good’ girl at home for long as she has learned that my mother will be gone for a few weeks. She invited friends over at night to watch movies, they have done their teen stuff, and she has gone out passed her curfew. I had been holding my temper for a few weeks by trying to talk to her and listening to her pleas. Her response had been “I’m sorry and I’ll try better.” Until one night, she went out past her curfew without calling me. I confronted her when she got home as you can image we got into a disagreement. She thought that I was so unreasonable to ask her to call home when she was trying to help her friends out of trouble. I thought she was so insensitive that she didn’t care that I had to stay up late to worry about her. We loudly kept going on and on at each other…and I hardly noticed any of Mary’s ‘fiat’ in my sister’s plea as an invitation for me to trust in God and to experience God in deeper personal ways. All I wanted was 'proof' that her friends were in trouble and that she didn't have a chance to call me. Most of all, she was wrong and I was right. As a result, I missed the opportunity to draw closer to God through the act of active listening to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps, my sister didn’t have it all figured out and that her excuses could not be understood right off the bat. She simply just wanted me to listen out of love for her even when I didn’t fully understand anything just like Mary did. I blew it all to satisfy my big ego. In his mercy with Mary as my model I'm confident that I'll have another chance to say my complete obedient 'fiat'.
As Mary continually "ponders all these things in her heart,” I consider as God’s invitation for me to sit down somewhere and ponder in my heart as Mary did. Learning from her openness, I too am called to say “fiat” to whatever God asks of me. So, I can strive to live virtuously to ponder the mysteries of faith and to open my hands in receiving all of the good gifts that the Lord has to offer me even in disguised forms or situations, and you?
Take care and until next time…

"Fiat voluntas tua... Let it happen to me..."

Blessings on the Annunciation of our Lord!

"Behold, I'm the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word."

His mercy endures forever

Blessings on Divine Mercy Sunday!

"For the sake of His sorrowful Passion,

have mercy on us and on the whole world."

He is Risen!

May the Resurrection Lord be with you!

“Sr. Mary Caroline is very frail, P. We don’t think she can make it through this week.” I didn’t know how to react to the news at first. I felt a need to see her and to say ‘goodbye’ but it would take me at least five hours non-stop flight to where she was. In addition, I have been picked to serve as a juror for a criminal case and I couldn’t just show up at the convent. Have you ever experienced in a situation that you have no clue whether you’re welcome or not? Do you find it’s tough to know someone who’s like a member of your family preparing to meet Jesus but you aren’t in a position to ever meet her/him again? It happened to me with my dear Sr. Caroline.
I received the news about Sr. Caroline in the morning of Holy Monday and I was called to serve as a juror on the same day. I didn’t want to be summoned as a juror at all but I was obligated because I had rescheduled a few times. I was praying so hard that I wouldn't be picked for a case on my way to the courthouse. I could pray all I wanted and tried every possible way to get out of it; God’s answer was the opposite. I was upset. However, God in his mercy gave me a lead way. The judge told us that we wouldn’t be in session on Good Friday because he had other things to be attentive to. I was so happy by the judge’s announcement. I went home and sent out an email to the convent asking to visit Sr. Caroline for the last time. I expressed in the email that I would stay in the hotel and I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone. I would just quietly visit her on Saturday and would leave on Sunday. I got the response and it wasn’t directly answering my request. It only informed me that Sr. Caroline had gone home to Jesus on her 60^th Anniversary of religious life. I was saddened by the reply and I was in sorrow at the same time knowing that I wouldn’t be able to say ‘goodbye’ or to see Sr. Caroline again in this life. Honestly, I don’t understand but I know I had to ‘commend my spirit’. What time of the year would be better to do something like this than Holy week, huh? A simple request I vulnerably asked was indirectly rejected. I again felt I am not considered a ‘true’ friend of the community. I wanted to know ‘why’ and I wanted the answer now. Perhaps, it needed to be this way for the sake of the sisters and their guests in the community at time of the year. I wondered if I didn't ask and just showed up at the door, the sisters might not like it but I probably would be able to see her face the last time. Anyway, it was a hard thing to take in. As my tear stained eyes were wandering in St Paul’s writings for comfort, I came across that God “did not spare his Son, but handed him over for us all…in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us” (Rom 8:32, 37). Suddenly, I understood that God invited me with Jesus in his dying to accept the sorrow that any one would undergo rejection and separation, especially life and death. At the end, His promise is that I would experience the joy of embracing the glory of Easter.
Even though I won't be at Sr. Caroline’s funeral and perhaps, not be accepted as an extended ‘true’ member of the community, I promise myself not to shed anymore tears. I know better now Jesus Christ has risen from the dead and conquered sin. Darkness has turned to light, pain to joy, despair to hope, strife to peace, sickness to wholeness, fear to faith, worry to worship, death to life in all its fullness. In heaven I'm sure Sr. Caroline is praying for me; she and I await for the day that we'll rejoice in the presence of our Risen Lord there forever. Believing in a God who loves me so much and has done everything possible to show me that love…I gladly join the resurrection and the life, don't you agree?
Take care and until next time…

Easter Sunday

The Lord has indeed risen, alleluia!

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad. Have a grace-filled Easter Season to you and your loved ones.

Pieta

Blessings on Holy Saturday!

Today we touch the dying Jesus with Mary. "In all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us." (Rom 8:37) Do you allow yourself to enter deeply into the mystery of God's merciful love and of conversion?

"How could you say no?"

Blessings on Good Friday!

Jesus offered himself completely for me and you. He gave all until his last...and continues to give his very self without limit and without end. Fix our gaze on his passion...We know what held Jesus on the cross is his incredible love for us not the nails. "Could you say no to Him?"

God's incredible gift

Blessings on Triduum!

Tonight the Triduum begins with the Mass of the Lord's Supper.

Let's ponder in love the incredible gift of the Eucharist.

Going Home

The Divine Master took my dear Sr. Mary Caroline home for Easter celebrations with him last night. I was told, "she died with her eyes looking at the Master as he came – at 10 PM on the feast of St Joseph and on her 60th Jubilee of profession". My heart is troubled and sadden by this news. However, I know it will soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as I celebrate her presence in my life. Sure, you'll be missed by me.

May you rest in peace, Sr. Mary Caroline!

March 19th

Blessings on St Joseph's Day!

St. Joseph, pray for us.

Judas' kiss

"Will you betray me too?"

The Angelus Prayer

Many years ago, I was taught the Angelus prayer by Sister Mary Caroline when I was still in discernment for my vocation. It has been a part of me ever since...Today, I received an email from a friend to let me know that Sister is very frail and Jesus can call her anytime...

Fond memories rush back...

I love her dearly...

My heart is saddened...

I wish I could...

Dear Jesus, you know I don't want to let her go...but I understand. Do what you must...and if I'm too sad, please bring me back to laughter by reminding me of her "joke of the day." To you who pray the Angelus Prayer from this post, please remember my dear Sister Mary Caroline.

May Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life keep Sister Mary Caroline

in his loving tender care...

Shamrock Patch

Blessings on Saint Patrick's Day
St. Patrick, pray for us!

Paschal Mystery

May the glory of his death and resurrection be with you!
As I was reading over and over again the letter of St Paul to the Philippians (2:6-11) “Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself…he humbled himself, becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross…,” I’m deeply moved by Christ’s love through the foolishness of the cross. What a perfect reading to reflect on as I enter into Holy Week…
I know Jesus loves me. I mean, he really loves me. He doesn't love me because he has to. He loves me because he loves me. He loves my company, my voice, my faults, and my smiling face. He loves me so much that he willingly “emptied himself…death on a cross” for me. He has every power in the world to do anything. In addition, he chose to stop at nothing to show me that he loves me. He'll even get me in a corner so that I am desperate and have no choice but to look up into His face and to notice it there. No other reason than LOVE. You can say that I’m crazily loved by Jesus. On the contrary, I often don’t understand the mystery of death on the cross. It frightens me. The frailties of my brothers and sisters whom I’m called to be in communion with are very disturbing to me. Criticisms are hard to swallow and I don’t see or feel his love. St Paul, on the other hand, understands an image of God who makes himself small and powerless out of love. He welcomed it, animated it, and felt it in every pore of his being. Therefore, he embraces the cross because it is a way in which God shows his love and surrenders to the Paschal Mystery of Christ. It’s the Pauline way. I too want to feel what the Apostle felt. I must not reject it but accept it as it is. I can’t do it in one big step. However, I can take baby steps to be in great peace and serenity as I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me into death and resurrection.
Entering into the Holy Week, let’s embrace the Paschal Mystery as the Apostle Paul did because it’s the only way to experience love and to live the fullness of life.
Take care and until next time…

Hosanna

Palm Sunday

Christ enters into the Holy City, Jerusalem;

we enter Holy week!

New life through sufferings

May Jesus’ life dwell in you!

This past week had been extremely busy but it ended in a silent self-directed retreat at a friend’s beach house in Malibu. Because of the terrible traffic on Friday evening, I got there late. It was dark, I couldn’t see any street signs, and I was lost. I got so upset because I didn’t have time to do anything except go to bed and sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was refreshed by a good night's sleep and a magnificent view of the ocean in the early morning from my bedroom. I quickly engaged in the beauty that surrounded me and I forgot everything that happened the night before. The experience was like I was dead and now I’m alive. So, I had been reflecting on what Jesus said in the Gospel of John this week, “I’m the resurrection and the life.” I got some snacks for my soul but nothing extravagant. Until on my way home I hit the traffic and I chose to take a different exit…
I stopped to join a movie night “Awakenings” at a friend's house. The synopsis is as follows: In a mental institution after research and getting family consent, Dr. Sayer, who finds many residents in a syndrome of psychic and motoric disturbances, gives a drug to wake them up. However, the drug can’t continue to keep them at wake level forever and they all return to what they were before the treatment. Many times in the past at such an event like this one, I was either a host or a facilitator for the night. I was well-prepared for it and very busy to keep it flowing. Tonight, I was a guest; I truly enjoyed myself watching the movie and sharing my reflections at the end with the group. A few questions were raised by a facilitator but one that struck me the most was “What keeps a person going even when their best efforts seem to fail?” This question made me look deeper into the darkest area of my soul where the painful wound was covered by layers of adhesive bandages… Like Dr Sayer and his staff try so hard to ‘cure’ the residents. At first their efforts seem completely successful but at the end they all return to the level before the treatment when the drug no longer helps them. I too years ago searched for my calling, entered into a relationship in response to love, and made a courageous “YES” one day with a certain intention to be His forever. In spite of my best efforts to live this life, what I believed was my calling, I was asked to leave everything behind. I left with empty hands, a broken heart, and a dying spirit. I didn’t understand what happened. All I wanted to do was cry and cry and cry--nothing would make me feel better. In the movie, Dr Sayer was sustained by human relationships with his staff, especially Eleanor, when all seemed to fail. I also have trusted friends who are in communion with me throughout my trails of faith. They have been praying and patiently waiting for the awakening of my soul. Yes, that’s all they can do and the only One that saves me from a comatose spirit is Jesus. Jesus in the HOST is the drug that nourishes my soul and keeps me from falling into a comatose state of the spiritual life. I know now after painful experiences in which I thought I wouldn't survive, I’m still alive because he is “the resurrection and the life”. In that instant, a painful wound was exposed and I felt no longer in need of the layers of adhesive bandage. I’m free!
Only through sufferings of the cross will we experience glory in new life. As St Paul said, “If the spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies.” (Rm 8:11). Believing this is to change our selfishness into self-giving, let’s embrace the world God has given us, that we may transform the darkness of its pains into the life and joy of Easter Sunday.

Take care and until next time...

"Christ lives in me"

May His peace be with you!
Have you ever been in a situation where someone doesn’t know you well but has a say in your future? You may not have a clue of things they assumed about you and you aren't given a chance to express your thoughts. Then, your world is turned upside down because of these assumptions. You feel God is not even there for you. Part of you is dying and another part is still hoping somehow everything will make sense in the end. While you’re in this mess, you wish you won't have to face this person ever again. However, God in his mercy doesn’t let you go without his graces. He opens his tricks...
Just this past weekend, I had an experience that challenged me to put to death my old self and to make “Christ live in me”. It challenged me to truly live in the Pauline spirit. In the midst of thousands and thousands of people at the Anaheim Convention Center, I met A.P. whom I would rather not have encountered or spoken to for as long as possible. A.P is with a group of people who didn't give me a fair chance to express myself years ago. My heart was broken and I had been in the dark for a long time. God, in his mercy, gave me two choices: 1) I can react according to my former pagan lifestyle or 2) I can react as St Paul did. My ego wanted to give her a cold shoulder and to go on with my business. However, I knew who I was and to whom I belonged and I’m not stupid. (Ignorance: if you don’t know it's okay; stupid: you know it's wrong but you still do it.) I hesitated for a while then I chose the Pauline way which is to reject a selfish mentality and to immerse myself in Christ by sending her a cheerful greeting and a big welcome hug. In that instant, I knew God's invitation to me was not only dealing with external changes in my lifestyle, but the radical transformation of my whole being: replace myself with Christ. Next thing I knew I offered her my lunch and helped her around the exhibit area. I normally don't offer food to people that I don't know or have a conflict with. I just knew that I had to give her my food which represents a sign of reconciliation. She must take it in order to complete this ritual and she did. We lived, breathed, and received communion in the Pauline spirit for a good number of years. I didn't think that she would be an easy person to be a friend with until this weekend--she suddenly is so friendly and less superior. I don't know if she has changed over the years but I'm certain that Christ was with me. I truly enjoyed her company and I hope our paths will meet again soon.
I am thanking God for all his graces bestowed on me this weekend. We’re in training at the school of the Master. Therefore, my prayer for us is that we may have the grace to continue to work on this without interruption, everyday until it is ‘Christ living in us’.

Take care and until next time...

Biography of St Paul the Apostle

May the grace and peace of Jesus HOST embrace you!
One day, knowing that I was rooted in the Pauline spirituality in the footsteps of Blessed Alberione for few years, a good friend of mine asked, “What is your recommendation on a biography of the Apostle Paul for a beginner?” I puzzled for a while and hesitated in my response, “Paul of Tarsus by Joseph Holzner.” Honestly, I’ve been looking for a good biography of St. Paul the Apostle ever since the day of my conversion, in spite of the fact that I lived and breathed in the Pauline formation for a good number of years, I couldn’t find anything that wasn’t over my head, bone dry, or bored me to death. Certainly, many books are out there on the Apostle’s writings in Scripture study sections that I find in every Christian bookstore. However, finding a biography of Paul that increased my desire to be an authentic Pauline left me with a big question mark.
Then last autumn, Pope Benedict XVI proclaimed the Pauline Year from June 29, 2008, to June 29, 2009, I again went all out searching for a good biography. When I almost gave up, I found on my bookshelf, a biography entitled Paul: Least of the Apostles by Alain Decoux. The book’s cover was full of dust but in brand new condition. Yes, you can say that I’m one of those book freaks wanting to read but not making the time for it. I was diagnosed by my mother with a chronic case of book syndrome. Anyway, I took it off my shelf and began to read it for the first time. Much to my surprise, it was an easy reading text that I couldn't let go of...I didn't need to know Scripture or to possess the Pauline spirit to be engaged in it. I just simply read and let the author introduce me to the Apostle Paul by his way of integrating the past and the present to offer a truly exceptional story of the Apostle. In addition, the pictures in the book provide imagery that is so real. I felt that I walked with the Apostle on his journey. At other moments, I was in the crowd listening to his preaching and I was all fired up with Christ’s love.
I don’t know where I’m going...I guess I just want to let you know I found a biography on St Paul and I think it is worth reading. So, if your desire is to know St Paul during the Pauline Year and don’t know where to start, I would like to put my two cents in for this book. Come back and let me know what you think.
Take care and until next time…

Venerable Thecla Merlo

"Happy birthday to you, Venerable Thecla Merlo!"

Bestow on me your blessings

Keep all who visit this blog

under your motherly loving care.