Mary's 'fiat'...and mine.

May Mary’s completely obedient “fiat” be yours!

Mary’s complete obedience to the Divine Plan is her ‘Fiat’ leading to the birth of Christianity. As I was reflecting on this encounter between the Mother of God and the archangel, my heart burned within me. I learned earlier in my formation years that God calls each of us personally in responding to his love for us; it’s a personal encounter with the Lord. Looking back to the details of my own 'Annunciation', I have no doubt to confirm that every vocation in life is a personal call from God. But, do we respond likewise in a personal way to God?
Living in the world of high technology and advancing science, I want proof on everything and in anything. I was asked to take care of my youngest sister by my mother while she’s away. Like any other teenager, my youngest sister wouldn’t be a ‘good’ girl at home for long as she has learned that my mother will be gone for a few weeks. She invited friends over at night to watch movies, they have done their teen stuff, and she has gone out passed her curfew. I had been holding my temper for a few weeks by trying to talk to her and listening to her pleas. Her response had been “I’m sorry and I’ll try better.” Until one night, she went out past her curfew without calling me. I confronted her when she got home as you can image we got into a disagreement. She thought that I was so unreasonable to ask her to call home when she was trying to help her friends out of trouble. I thought she was so insensitive that she didn’t care that I had to stay up late to worry about her. We loudly kept going on and on at each other…and I hardly noticed any of Mary’s ‘fiat’ in my sister’s plea as an invitation for me to trust in God and to experience God in deeper personal ways. All I wanted was 'proof' that her friends were in trouble and that she didn't have a chance to call me. Most of all, she was wrong and I was right. As a result, I missed the opportunity to draw closer to God through the act of active listening to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps, my sister didn’t have it all figured out and that her excuses could not be understood right off the bat. She simply just wanted me to listen out of love for her even when I didn’t fully understand anything just like Mary did. I blew it all to satisfy my big ego. In his mercy with Mary as my model I'm confident that I'll have another chance to say my complete obedient 'fiat'.
As Mary continually "ponders all these things in her heart,” I consider as God’s invitation for me to sit down somewhere and ponder in my heart as Mary did. Learning from her openness, I too am called to say “fiat” to whatever God asks of me. So, I can strive to live virtuously to ponder the mysteries of faith and to open my hands in receiving all of the good gifts that the Lord has to offer me even in disguised forms or situations, and you?
Take care and until next time…

"Fiat voluntas tua... Let it happen to me..."

Blessings on the Annunciation of our Lord!

"Behold, I'm the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word."

His mercy endures forever

Blessings on Divine Mercy Sunday!

"For the sake of His sorrowful Passion,

have mercy on us and on the whole world."

He is Risen!

May the Resurrection Lord be with you!

“Sr. Mary Caroline is very frail, P. We don’t think she can make it through this week.” I didn’t know how to react to the news at first. I felt a need to see her and to say ‘goodbye’ but it would take me at least five hours non-stop flight to where she was. In addition, I have been picked to serve as a juror for a criminal case and I couldn’t just show up at the convent. Have you ever experienced in a situation that you have no clue whether you’re welcome or not? Do you find it’s tough to know someone who’s like a member of your family preparing to meet Jesus but you aren’t in a position to ever meet her/him again? It happened to me with my dear Sr. Caroline.
I received the news about Sr. Caroline in the morning of Holy Monday and I was called to serve as a juror on the same day. I didn’t want to be summoned as a juror at all but I was obligated because I had rescheduled a few times. I was praying so hard that I wouldn't be picked for a case on my way to the courthouse. I could pray all I wanted and tried every possible way to get out of it; God’s answer was the opposite. I was upset. However, God in his mercy gave me a lead way. The judge told us that we wouldn’t be in session on Good Friday because he had other things to be attentive to. I was so happy by the judge’s announcement. I went home and sent out an email to the convent asking to visit Sr. Caroline for the last time. I expressed in the email that I would stay in the hotel and I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone. I would just quietly visit her on Saturday and would leave on Sunday. I got the response and it wasn’t directly answering my request. It only informed me that Sr. Caroline had gone home to Jesus on her 60^th Anniversary of religious life. I was saddened by the reply and I was in sorrow at the same time knowing that I wouldn’t be able to say ‘goodbye’ or to see Sr. Caroline again in this life. Honestly, I don’t understand but I know I had to ‘commend my spirit’. What time of the year would be better to do something like this than Holy week, huh? A simple request I vulnerably asked was indirectly rejected. I again felt I am not considered a ‘true’ friend of the community. I wanted to know ‘why’ and I wanted the answer now. Perhaps, it needed to be this way for the sake of the sisters and their guests in the community at time of the year. I wondered if I didn't ask and just showed up at the door, the sisters might not like it but I probably would be able to see her face the last time. Anyway, it was a hard thing to take in. As my tear stained eyes were wandering in St Paul’s writings for comfort, I came across that God “did not spare his Son, but handed him over for us all…in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us” (Rom 8:32, 37). Suddenly, I understood that God invited me with Jesus in his dying to accept the sorrow that any one would undergo rejection and separation, especially life and death. At the end, His promise is that I would experience the joy of embracing the glory of Easter.
Even though I won't be at Sr. Caroline’s funeral and perhaps, not be accepted as an extended ‘true’ member of the community, I promise myself not to shed anymore tears. I know better now Jesus Christ has risen from the dead and conquered sin. Darkness has turned to light, pain to joy, despair to hope, strife to peace, sickness to wholeness, fear to faith, worry to worship, death to life in all its fullness. In heaven I'm sure Sr. Caroline is praying for me; she and I await for the day that we'll rejoice in the presence of our Risen Lord there forever. Believing in a God who loves me so much and has done everything possible to show me that love…I gladly join the resurrection and the life, don't you agree?
Take care and until next time…

Easter Sunday

The Lord has indeed risen, alleluia!

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad. Have a grace-filled Easter Season to you and your loved ones.

Pieta

Blessings on Holy Saturday!

Today we touch the dying Jesus with Mary. "In all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us." (Rom 8:37) Do you allow yourself to enter deeply into the mystery of God's merciful love and of conversion?

"How could you say no?"

Blessings on Good Friday!

Jesus offered himself completely for me and you. He gave all until his last...and continues to give his very self without limit and without end. Fix our gaze on his passion...We know what held Jesus on the cross is his incredible love for us not the nails. "Could you say no to Him?"

God's incredible gift

Blessings on Triduum!

Tonight the Triduum begins with the Mass of the Lord's Supper.

Let's ponder in love the incredible gift of the Eucharist.

Going Home

The Divine Master took my dear Sr. Mary Caroline home for Easter celebrations with him last night. I was told, "she died with her eyes looking at the Master as he came – at 10 PM on the feast of St Joseph and on her 60th Jubilee of profession". My heart is troubled and sadden by this news. However, I know it will soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as I celebrate her presence in my life. Sure, you'll be missed by me.

May you rest in peace, Sr. Mary Caroline!

March 19th

Blessings on St Joseph's Day!

St. Joseph, pray for us.

Judas' kiss

"Will you betray me too?"

The Angelus Prayer

Many years ago, I was taught the Angelus prayer by Sister Mary Caroline when I was still in discernment for my vocation. It has been a part of me ever since...Today, I received an email from a friend to let me know that Sister is very frail and Jesus can call her anytime...

Fond memories rush back...

I love her dearly...

My heart is saddened...

I wish I could...

Dear Jesus, you know I don't want to let her go...but I understand. Do what you must...and if I'm too sad, please bring me back to laughter by reminding me of her "joke of the day." To you who pray the Angelus Prayer from this post, please remember my dear Sister Mary Caroline.

May Jesus Master: Way, Truth, and Life keep Sister Mary Caroline

in his loving tender care...

Shamrock Patch

Blessings on Saint Patrick's Day
St. Patrick, pray for us!

Paschal Mystery

May the glory of his death and resurrection be with you!
As I was reading over and over again the letter of St Paul to the Philippians (2:6-11) “Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself…he humbled himself, becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross…,” I’m deeply moved by Christ’s love through the foolishness of the cross. What a perfect reading to reflect on as I enter into Holy Week…
I know Jesus loves me. I mean, he really loves me. He doesn't love me because he has to. He loves me because he loves me. He loves my company, my voice, my faults, and my smiling face. He loves me so much that he willingly “emptied himself…death on a cross” for me. He has every power in the world to do anything. In addition, he chose to stop at nothing to show me that he loves me. He'll even get me in a corner so that I am desperate and have no choice but to look up into His face and to notice it there. No other reason than LOVE. You can say that I’m crazily loved by Jesus. On the contrary, I often don’t understand the mystery of death on the cross. It frightens me. The frailties of my brothers and sisters whom I’m called to be in communion with are very disturbing to me. Criticisms are hard to swallow and I don’t see or feel his love. St Paul, on the other hand, understands an image of God who makes himself small and powerless out of love. He welcomed it, animated it, and felt it in every pore of his being. Therefore, he embraces the cross because it is a way in which God shows his love and surrenders to the Paschal Mystery of Christ. It’s the Pauline way. I too want to feel what the Apostle felt. I must not reject it but accept it as it is. I can’t do it in one big step. However, I can take baby steps to be in great peace and serenity as I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me into death and resurrection.
Entering into the Holy Week, let’s embrace the Paschal Mystery as the Apostle Paul did because it’s the only way to experience love and to live the fullness of life.
Take care and until next time…

Hosanna

Palm Sunday

Christ enters into the Holy City, Jerusalem;

we enter Holy week!

New life through sufferings

May Jesus’ life dwell in you!

This past week had been extremely busy but it ended in a silent self-directed retreat at a friend’s beach house in Malibu. Because of the terrible traffic on Friday evening, I got there late. It was dark, I couldn’t see any street signs, and I was lost. I got so upset because I didn’t have time to do anything except go to bed and sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was refreshed by a good night's sleep and a magnificent view of the ocean in the early morning from my bedroom. I quickly engaged in the beauty that surrounded me and I forgot everything that happened the night before. The experience was like I was dead and now I’m alive. So, I had been reflecting on what Jesus said in the Gospel of John this week, “I’m the resurrection and the life.” I got some snacks for my soul but nothing extravagant. Until on my way home I hit the traffic and I chose to take a different exit…
I stopped to join a movie night “Awakenings” at a friend's house. The synopsis is as follows: In a mental institution after research and getting family consent, Dr. Sayer, who finds many residents in a syndrome of psychic and motoric disturbances, gives a drug to wake them up. However, the drug can’t continue to keep them at wake level forever and they all return to what they were before the treatment. Many times in the past at such an event like this one, I was either a host or a facilitator for the night. I was well-prepared for it and very busy to keep it flowing. Tonight, I was a guest; I truly enjoyed myself watching the movie and sharing my reflections at the end with the group. A few questions were raised by a facilitator but one that struck me the most was “What keeps a person going even when their best efforts seem to fail?” This question made me look deeper into the darkest area of my soul where the painful wound was covered by layers of adhesive bandages… Like Dr Sayer and his staff try so hard to ‘cure’ the residents. At first their efforts seem completely successful but at the end they all return to the level before the treatment when the drug no longer helps them. I too years ago searched for my calling, entered into a relationship in response to love, and made a courageous “YES” one day with a certain intention to be His forever. In spite of my best efforts to live this life, what I believed was my calling, I was asked to leave everything behind. I left with empty hands, a broken heart, and a dying spirit. I didn’t understand what happened. All I wanted to do was cry and cry and cry--nothing would make me feel better. In the movie, Dr Sayer was sustained by human relationships with his staff, especially Eleanor, when all seemed to fail. I also have trusted friends who are in communion with me throughout my trails of faith. They have been praying and patiently waiting for the awakening of my soul. Yes, that’s all they can do and the only One that saves me from a comatose spirit is Jesus. Jesus in the HOST is the drug that nourishes my soul and keeps me from falling into a comatose state of the spiritual life. I know now after painful experiences in which I thought I wouldn't survive, I’m still alive because he is “the resurrection and the life”. In that instant, a painful wound was exposed and I felt no longer in need of the layers of adhesive bandage. I’m free!
Only through sufferings of the cross will we experience glory in new life. As St Paul said, “If the spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies.” (Rm 8:11). Believing this is to change our selfishness into self-giving, let’s embrace the world God has given us, that we may transform the darkness of its pains into the life and joy of Easter Sunday.

Take care and until next time...

"Christ lives in me"

May His peace be with you!
Have you ever been in a situation where someone doesn’t know you well but has a say in your future? You may not have a clue of things they assumed about you and you aren't given a chance to express your thoughts. Then, your world is turned upside down because of these assumptions. You feel God is not even there for you. Part of you is dying and another part is still hoping somehow everything will make sense in the end. While you’re in this mess, you wish you won't have to face this person ever again. However, God in his mercy doesn’t let you go without his graces. He opens his tricks...
Just this past weekend, I had an experience that challenged me to put to death my old self and to make “Christ live in me”. It challenged me to truly live in the Pauline spirit. In the midst of thousands and thousands of people at the Anaheim Convention Center, I met A.P. whom I would rather not have encountered or spoken to for as long as possible. A.P is with a group of people who didn't give me a fair chance to express myself years ago. My heart was broken and I had been in the dark for a long time. God, in his mercy, gave me two choices: 1) I can react according to my former pagan lifestyle or 2) I can react as St Paul did. My ego wanted to give her a cold shoulder and to go on with my business. However, I knew who I was and to whom I belonged and I’m not stupid. (Ignorance: if you don’t know it's okay; stupid: you know it's wrong but you still do it.) I hesitated for a while then I chose the Pauline way which is to reject a selfish mentality and to immerse myself in Christ by sending her a cheerful greeting and a big welcome hug. In that instant, I knew God's invitation to me was not only dealing with external changes in my lifestyle, but the radical transformation of my whole being: replace myself with Christ. Next thing I knew I offered her my lunch and helped her around the exhibit area. I normally don't offer food to people that I don't know or have a conflict with. I just knew that I had to give her my food which represents a sign of reconciliation. She must take it in order to complete this ritual and she did. We lived, breathed, and received communion in the Pauline spirit for a good number of years. I didn't think that she would be an easy person to be a friend with until this weekend--she suddenly is so friendly and less superior. I don't know if she has changed over the years but I'm certain that Christ was with me. I truly enjoyed her company and I hope our paths will meet again soon.
I am thanking God for all his graces bestowed on me this weekend. We’re in training at the school of the Master. Therefore, my prayer for us is that we may have the grace to continue to work on this without interruption, everyday until it is ‘Christ living in us’.

Take care and until next time...